Monday, June 26, 2006

I made these yummy cup cakes for Samara to take to school on the day of her birthday. They were very popular. The kids love having that special day when they get to treat their friends to something nice. The teachers like something delicious with their lunch coffee too!

I made it through the exam (Popular Literature) relatively unscathed. The children are now on school holidays too, and it's just wonderful not to have to rush off to school in the mornings. It feels positively luxurious to enjoy a second cup of tea in the morning without having to nag anyone!

It has not been perfect. Both Christopher and Samara have coughs, and Joshua spent this morning with a very upset tummy, though it seems to have passed now. I have every hope that tomorrow will be a better day. I am hoping to take a quilt out into the back yard and spend some time in the sunshine. We have had some much needed rain recently, just enough to green up the lawn, and we are all longing to get outside and play (or bask) in the winter sunshine.

Other plans for the holidays include a lot of sorting and cleaning. A semester of study combined with a heavy bout of depression has left our house in a pretty poor state. We have discussed it, and decided that, for now, I need to prioritise home and care of myself and the family above all else. I was spreading myself far too thin, spending all my time fulfilling outside obligations to the detriment of our home and health. I confess I have truly struggled with my self worth as a stay at home mother, constantly taking on other things to try and prove I could be as useful and busy as my working friends. I am slowly coming to realise that I am not happy when I am overcommited, and not doing anyone any favours by doing so. I am lookimg forward to spending time being kind to my family and myself.

It's been a long journey to this point, but I am actually beginning to feel some peace in my life, and I love it!


Lisa (Froggyhead) said...

It's so nice to see you back! I missed you.

I understand your struggle. I feel all wonderful about it until someone who works asks what I do then I suddenly feel myself puffing up like a little bird under attack.

Yet, in my heart, I know I'm where I'm supposed to be and doggone it, I just like it. I've worked full-time. I remember how every single day I wished I could stay home, so when I am starting to reconsider, I remember that feeling and recall how blessed I truly am. I also remember how my self-worth took just as big a beating when I was working. My mom is so correct in saying that the Women's Lib folks made it impossible for women to feel they're in the right place no matter what we do. We think we're supposed to do it all but it just isn't possible.

Ok...enough. :) I'm so glad to see you again.

Emma said...

Thanks Lisa!

Your mother is spot on, wome feel guilty no matter what we do. Women's lib has forced us to try to achieve too much. My best friend works full time and she feels terrible that she's at work all the time, while I feel judged for not earning an income. We are both so sensitive on the topic that we barely ever talk about it. I could go on and on about this, but I'll leave it for another time ;)

I am very glad to be back!